Small town girl. Joins Navy. Sees the world. Flies in planes. Hunts submarines. Gets out of military and has 3 kids. Rejoins Air National Guard as an "old lady" of 38.

A humorous compilation of stories and lessons learned. Usually the hard way.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Protractors vs. Anchors


When I’m not out saving the world from evil doers, I am simply a contractor for the Navy.  A very exuberant contractor, I might add- but still simply a contractor. 

This job however, has been a wonderful extension of my Navy life.  The majority of the people that work here are retired or former Navy which has been a marvelous transition into the "outside world".  Everyone shows up on time.  People don’t call out sick unless they are in the hospital.  Most importantly, I still can swear at work. 

So besides the Navy veterans, the rest of the employees on our team are engineers.  This combination of personality types successfully keep it an interesting work environment.  It’s a fabulous combination- no doubt full of conflict and often confusing conversations. 

In what way?

Well, I drew up examples below of some of life’s simple topics.  They are a representation of how two completely different thinking creatures must work together, unified and make life-staking decisions everyday for the better of our men and women that are currently serving in the US Navy.

How we survive and communicate day after day still remains a mystery.

Engineers vs. Navy Veterans:

On Dating:
Engineers:  Who has the time?  Besides Bones is on tonight!

Navy guy: You can fall in love with anyone.  Make sure they are rich.  Or at least really hot. (Yes, that is straight out of a retired chief's mouth.)

On Marriage:
E:  Some engineers are able to find someone else they can tolerate in the same facility as themselves for extended periods of time.  They usually will marry these people.  Others would be much more content in their own dwelling alone, where they can have full control of their environment at all times.

N:  Make sure you get a prenup in place this time.
On Hobbies:
E:  Does software developing count as a hobby as well as a job?

N: Hunting, fishing, boating, digging for dinosaur bones.  Anything that takes them as far away from their job as possible where they can feel somewhat like a 'normal' citizen.

On clothing:
E:  Is it comfortable?  Practical?  It doesn't matter which decade it came from because there are much more important things to worry about than clothing.  Like matter.  And gravity.  And e=mc2.  All of that engineer stuff.

N:  Does it pass the smell test? 

On politics:
E:  The pros and cons of our future leader and elected party must be analyzed thoroughly before making a decision that could influence the course of our history. 

N:  Do I really want a stinking liberal who has never been in a war as my Commander in Chief?

On same-sex marriages:
E:  See 'on marriages' above.  It is applicable for both hetero and homosexual unions.

N:  Don’t ask, don’t tell.  Just please don’t touch me either.  Unless we're talking about lesbians...  Mmmm.  Lesbians...

On religion:
E:  Believe in Big Bang theory and Evolution

N:  Say their prayers often:  When traveling in a convoy.  When engines quit.  When launching off or landing on a carrier.  When their favorite football team is in the playoffs.

On food:
E:  TV dinners are a perfect solution.  Who has time to cook?  Bonus: all of the nutritional ingredients are labeled on the box so you know the exact quantity of each portion size.

N:  Don’t ask- don’t tell.  As long as it’s dead and/or on a stick, it must be editable.  Bonus: beer kills all germs.

Favorite drink:
E:  Diet and mucho caffeine.  Engineers are smart and know they shouldn’t be drinking sodas straight. (do you KNOW how many teaspoons of sugar are in one of them?) Caffeine is necessary to function until the wee hours of the morning.

N:  Free drinks.  Cold drinks is a close #2 favorite.

On Recycling:
E:  Save everything.  You never know when you may need it.

N:  If you can’t carry it on your back- you don’t need it.

On Guns:
E:  Gun control would help get weapons off of the street.

N:  The bigger the bang, the better!

How to Motivate:
E:  Reward positive job performances.

N:  Tell them "You won't". 

On aging:
E:  Statistics say the everyday use of sunscreen decreases visible aging lines by 70%. 

N:  Old guys have the best sea stories.  The older they are- the less rules there once were.

On education:

E:  I didn’t spend 7 years in college to be call "Mister".  It is "Doctor".

N:  Whenever someone asks you a question about something you don't know, redirect it about something you do know and use big words like adjudicate and erroneous.

On entertainment:

E:  Foreign Films

N:  A Cuban Cigar, an Irish beer, and a Latin woman.

On solving problems:

E:  It is important to get to the root of the cause and eliminate all variables for a reliable test.

N:  Recycle the source.  Kick it a few times.  Swap it out.  (This applies to electronics, mechanical, and relationship issues.) 

I'll leave you with my most recent engineer quote of the day:  “He has a whole box of staples in his desk.  Like who needs a whole box of staples?”

Me (thinking to myself):  Hmmm. Well probably because staples aren't sold individually?? 


  1. That's funny, but I was an engineering major and my husband is an engineer and we sure don't talk like those engineers! lol
    P.S. Please get rid of your comment verification... I've just entered the silly letters three times now and have been bounced out every time. My old eyes just can't read them! I'll try again...

  2. I know Barbara, I was completely stereotyping! You can't ever take me seriously! Well maybe sometimes.

    And I just got rid of it- JUST for YOU! Haha