Happily Ever After?

Isn’t it funny how when you’re in love, it feels like every love song you hear has been written just for you?  All of the movies you watch somehow seem to be kinda-just like your own love story?  The birds sing louder and the sun shines brighter.  All is right with the world.

 

I think I used to think of my life as this great story that I would tell my grandchildren one day.  Yes, I'm egocentric like that.  It would be passionate and dramatic with a hero-gets-the girl ending.  It would be just like the movies.  The happy ending ones.  Not like the late 80's ones that went through a sad ending trend.

Naturally, there would also be a fabulous soundtrack involved. I'd build a fire and the song "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" would come on.  
 

And then... real life happens.  And it’s messy.  It’s unplanned.  Like the Democratic National Convention.  Russian ships suddenly appear out of nowhere and you try to pretend it was supposed to happen like that. 

It can get boring.  Some days I long for an adventure and I decide that we would be best fulfilled if we packed up the family and immediately to move to Spain.  Other days I crave normality and spend a whole day in my pajamas restoring my energy and cleaning the fish tank.

 

I’m not sure what my story will look like when it’s retold.  There are many days I worry that I’ve ruined my perfect little love story.  Other days I get real and realize there is no such thing.

I’ve married the same man twice now.  [insert marriage jokes here] 
He is the father of my children.  The boy that I met when I was a mere 19 year old aircrewman in the Navy and had just landed on a foreign land, not knowing a single soul.  And Lord knows it’s been messy.  I mean, we got divorced, right?  And... it has been wonderful. 

The first time I got married I was 22.  I was in love and had stars in my eyes.  My story was unfolding splendidly and I couldn't wait to live happily ever after- after the wedding.  And then... real life came along.  With it brought 3 kids within 4 years.  Throw in 2 full time jobs and both of us going to college in our 'spare time'.  Buying and decorating a new home on a Roman Noodles budget.  We were a recipe for disaster waiting to happen. 

Suddenly the little things became big things.  We had a disagreement about pillows, which led to him throwing my uncomfortable Pier One pillow that I had just purchased off of the deck into our back yard.  I didn't care that the delicate glass bead work stabbed him in the face if he was to actually use it as a pillow.  He thought razor-sharp beads were unnecessary and impractical for a pillow.  Not our proudest moment in marriage- but a good reference as to what it had come down to.  Were we seriously fighting about airborne pillows?  (And for the record- lots of people buy pillows that aren't comfortable just because they are pretty!)

The thing is, I didn’t understand then that some days you really don’t like the person you’re married to- maybe not even for weeks at a time.  But that it is okay to feel like that.  I wish someone had told me that it was normal- and okay. We must ride the waves and work through it until we like each other again.  I didn’t realize what it meant- that love didn’t always come easy- but that it was a choice- a commitment.  It sounds so elementary, but for some reason, it wasn't clear to me.  Something had gone wrong somewhere.

It took 2 ½ years apart for us to both realize the grass is not always greener on the other side.  It actually became quite brown.  I missed him horribly.  Soon we both realized that it didn’t matter who you picked- every couple- every marriage goes through this.  I’ve since talked openly to so many of my friends- only to find they have or are going through similar situations in their lives.  If only I would’ve known earlier.

The second time I got married I was 33.  It’s only 11 years difference- but light years of changes and learned lessons have occurred in those 11 years.  And I can only imagine where we will be in another 11 years when it comes to lessons learned along the way.

I don’t have it figured out- not by a long shot.  I’m not perfect and have made many mistakes along the way.  My life is messy- but its real.  I do my best not to judge others because you never know what they are going through until you’ve walked in their shoes.  And while we didn’t have to get remarried- we did it because we chose to.  I feel blessed to have a second chance with the love of my life.  Life doesn’t give you second chances often- so when you get them, you need to jump on it.

And yes, he still drives me insane on a regular basis- as I’m sure I do for him.  He still can't figure out the purpose of a hamper to save his life.  But being together is a choice we’ve made.  We’ve seen what it’s like without each other- and therefore we know the only place we want to be is together.  Even on the days he throws my pretty pillows off of the deck in violent rage.

Lies I Consistently Tell

Lately, it seems that I find myself constantly stressing the importance of telling the truth to my children.  One broken-record day, I had a realization of just how much I really do lie in any given day.  I have to believe that I'm not the only one.  All with great purpose, of course.  That makes it better- I’m sure.  So here are a few: 

1.   I’m good.  How are you? 

Ah, the classic one.  Unless you are my mom, I know you don’t want to hear about me locking my keys in the car, the PTA lady that hurt my feelings, my over-compulsive shopping habit, and the big pimple on my chin.  If asked “How are you?”  I’ve learned to always just reply, “Good!”

2.   We don’t have any.

Dessert, money, whatever.  This usually ends the begging, pleading, whining from my kids.

3.   I don’t know. 

It’s not true.  I almost always know what I want. [Is that an oxymoron?] I just know you don’t want it- so I’m being kind and letting you decide.

4.   I have nothing to wear. 

I have plenty to wear.  I just feel extra-large today and have nothing to wear that doesn’t make me feel like a beached whale in florescent spandex.

5.   More dessert? Alcohol?  Oh, no thanks.  I’m good. 

I ALWAYS want more dessert or alcohol.  Or money.  But sometimes I just may try to be polite and refrain.   I said sometimes.

6.   I have no regrets.  

I only say this because Wayne Dyer and Oprah say I’m supposed to.  Everything I’ve done makes me who I am today.  Well that is very true.  But surely there was an easier way to have figured it out??

7.   I’m not sick.

Sickness is weakness.  I could be sweating buckets of saltwater, have a fever of 103, and vomiting all over the room and I will refuse to admit that I am sick. Darn it.

8.   I wasn’t sleeping.

If I’m ever caught napping I’ll refuse to admit it.  It’s a guilt-thing my dad instilled in me.  I’ll probably need years of therapy to get rid of it- but just haven’t had the time.

9.   I didn’t have time. 

Of course my schedule is more packed than a box of Christmas lights, I mean, isn’t everyones? However, if it’s something I truly wanted to do- I’d somehow find the time.

10. I’ll think about it. 

Chances are I’ll probably forget about it until the next time it is brought up.  This buys me time to avoid answering.  The truth is, I’ll probably think about coming up with a better excuse answer.

11. Oh it was no trouble at all. 

Often it is trouble- but who would admit it and make someone feel bad? (See they’re not all bad lies!)

12. Oh they were so well behaved.

They were terrible.

13. It’s not a big deal. 

It’s always a big deal.

14. It’s fine. 

Fine is a 4 letter word.  It doesn’t mean good.  If it was good- I’d say good.

15. I didn’t know!

It is far better to ask for forgiveness than permission.  “Oh, I didn’t know you aren’t allowed to put penguins in your purse to sneak them into the theater.  No one ever told me!”

16. If anyone ever asks “Do I look fat?”
       Always lie.  Politely make modification suggestions.  “Of course not!  But perhaps you want to wear this trench coat all day.  I heard it’s going to be chilly!” (another feel-good lie that shouldn’t count)

Those are just the ones I came up with in a matter of minutes.  It makes me nervous as to what I would come up with if I gave it a week’s worth of research. 

So… What are some of your consistent lies?