How to Survive MEPS: A brief down-and-dirty of what to expect.

I often get questions about boot camp and surviving the military in general.  Having just gone through the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) a second time, I thought I would post some informative advice while it was still fresh in my head, to help get you through one of the very first steps towards your military career.

1. Don’t lie.  But lie a little.
   Don’t lie about the marijuana you did last week.  It’s going to pop up on your drug test, and then you are just wasting everyone’s time.  If you’re planning on going to MEPS or into the military- just don’t do drugs.  It’s simple, and there is no tolerance.
   
   
2. Lie a little.  They are going to cross-examine you. 
    Them:  “If you took any type of pill in the past month, and you don’t list it on this form, you will be kicked out!”  This does not include the TUMS you took after dinner two weeks ago.  No one cares.   You don’t need to write down TUMS.
    
3. The same rule goes with allergies.  If you have a deathly peanut allergy or have asthma, you need to report this.  If you touched fiber glass, poison ivy, or poison oak and broke out in a rash, congratulations.  You are normal and the military doesn’t care.
    
4. Get over your insecurities.  They are going to watch you pee into a cup for your drug test.  It’s gross.  No one enjoys it- least of all them.  Just follow directions- like every step- and you will be done quickly.  If you do not, you will be there twice as long.
    
5. To piggy back on #4.  They will examine EVERY part of you.  They are just being thorough, and it’s not intended to be a personal violation.  They are professional doctors.  If you can’t handle it, you shouldn’t go into the military.  There are worse things in life.
    
6. Don’t hit on anyone.  MEPS and boot camp are NOT the places to flirt.  You want to be taken seriously and this is not why you should be there.
    
7. Please, for everyone’s sake, wear clean underwear.  You will spend a lot of time in it with others.  Women, for the love of god, don’t wear a thong.    No one wants to see you in a thong doing the duck walk.
    
8. You will have to do the Duck Walk and other awkward coordination checks.  Just listen carefully, and once again follow directions to get done as swiftly as possible.
    
    
9. If you’re going into the Air Force, you’re going to have to valsalva.  Practice this ahead of time, as MEPS should not be the first time you valsalva, nor should boot camp be the first time you attempt to do a push up.
    
10. Make sure you are within the military standards for weight.  This will save you time and embarrassment if you’re not.  Lose weight first, and then sign up.
     
     
11.  Above all, BE RESPECTFUL.  Follow directions, only ask questions if you really need to (there are such things as stupid questions), and just go with the flow.  This will also serve as good advice to get through many of your trainings ahead.  Relax.  You got this.

And the Story Continues Here...

As my memoir has officially been released in paper/hardcover and e-books, I will wrap up this blog with a link to the book behind the blog as well as pictures from the release party.  I cannot thank everyone enough for all of the great support.  Get your copy of the story here: 

 http://amzn.com/1943226083

     I grew up in Deer River, MN - a one-stoplight town of 903 people. Two weeks after I graduated high school way back in the old days (1997) when everything was in black and white, I enlisted in the Navy in a combat aircrew position that had just been opened up to women. At first we were mistaken by tiny hairless men. Quite a few people told me I was crazy and I would be back home before I knew it. Some of the old WWII veterans patted my shoulder, and nodded, wishing me luck. My dad, fearing my safety, begged me not to go. Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting myself into - which probably was best that way. I just knew I didn’t want to fail.

     Spoiler alert - I didn’t go off and become a war hero. I didn’t save the world. I didn’t win the Noble Peace Prize or even receive the perfect attendance award (I was runner-up); however, I did serve my country, met some lifelong friends, flew over 1300 hours in a war-fighting machine, kicked some submarine ass, and learned a few lessons (the hard way). This book is a compilation of short stories and those lessons learned.

     If you are looking for Steinbeck or Dickens, you probably should put this book back on the shelf and keep looking. However, if you are looking for random entertaining stories that begin with conjunctions, contain cheesy metaphors, and improper sentence structure- well this, my friend, may be the book for you. You may laugh. You may cry. You may want to dance on a barstool next time the opportunity arises. I’m not a writer, I’m a story teller. And this is my story.

I will continue keep my site updated at www.juliamaki.com and will be available to answer questions/comments to the best of my abilities here:  capturingthestory@gmail.com

I hope it inspires, informs, and entertains you.  Always remember- there isn't anything you cannot do!  Dreams come true every day.  Who's not to say today is YOUR day?!

I have the most amazing friends!

My Mom

With Anna, my BFF

The VP-8 guys

My old SS-1 "Rugged"

With friend and fellow military blogger, Dog Tags And Heels

And don't forget- I have books for the little readers out there. 

No, not this book.

These ones:

All my best. ~J.

Christmas Lists

Oh Christmas Lists, Oh Christmas Lists…

The moral conflict that every parent faces.  We want to teach our children that Christmas is about giving and not receiving.  We emphasize relentlessly the true meaning of Christmas.  We are extra inspired this time of year to pick a charity to donate our time and gifts.  But, we also want to give to our children, as there is nothing better than to watch their faces light up on Christmas morning when Santa has nailed the ‘perfect’ gift.  It feeds our giving soul, and brings that extra joy and magic to the air.

Grandparents and other family members want in on this mini thrill too.  They want to take part in the joy that comes with giving the perfect gift.  So when grandparents ask, “What do the kids want this year?” my mind always seems to draw a blank.  The other day, however, I overheard as the kids took it upon themselves to put together their Christmas lists.  As I held my breath, wondering just what they could possibly come up this year.  Have they learned to tame down their greed with reasonable requests financially and logistically?  Will Santa be able to deliver this year?  

Now I’m not sure why I haven’t learned yet, but even after 13 years of raising children, they never cease to surprise and/or entertain me.  I hope their lists will do the same for you.  And I hope you and your family have a WONDERFUL holiday season full of every day laughs.