How to Survive MEPS: A brief down-and-dirty of what to expect.

I often get questions about boot camp and surviving the military in general.  Having just gone through the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) a second time, I thought I would post some informative advice while it was still fresh in my head, to help get you through one of the very first steps towards your military career.

1. Don’t lie.  But lie a little.
   Don’t lie about the marijuana you did last week.  It’s going to pop up on your drug test, and then you are just wasting everyone’s time.  If you’re planning on going to MEPS or into the military- just don’t do drugs.  It’s simple, and there is no tolerance.
   
   
2. Lie a little.  They are going to cross-examine you. 
    Them:  “If you took any type of pill in the past month, and you don’t list it on this form, you will be kicked out!”  This does not include the TUMS you took after dinner two weeks ago.  No one cares.   You don’t need to write down TUMS.
    
3. The same rule goes with allergies.  If you have a deathly peanut allergy or have asthma, you need to report this.  If you touched fiber glass, poison ivy, or poison oak and broke out in a rash, congratulations.  You are normal and the military doesn’t care.
    
4. Get over your insecurities.  They are going to watch you pee into a cup for your drug test.  It’s gross.  No one enjoys it- least of all them.  Just follow directions- like every step- and you will be done quickly.  If you do not, you will be there twice as long.
    
5. To piggy back on #4.  They will examine EVERY part of you.  They are just being thorough, and it’s not intended to be a personal violation.  They are professional doctors.  If you can’t handle it, you shouldn’t go into the military.  There are worse things in life.
    
6. Don’t hit on anyone.  MEPS and boot camp are NOT the places to flirt.  You want to be taken seriously and this is not why you should be there.
    
7. Please, for everyone’s sake, wear clean underwear.  You will spend a lot of time in it with others.  Women, for the love of god, don’t wear a thong.    No one wants to see you in a thong doing the duck walk.
    
8. You will have to do the Duck Walk and other awkward coordination checks.  Just listen carefully, and once again follow directions to get done as swiftly as possible.
    
    
9. If you’re going into the Air Force, you’re going to have to valsalva.  Practice this ahead of time, as MEPS should not be the first time you valsalva, nor should boot camp be the first time you attempt to do a push up.
    
10. Make sure you are within the military standards for weight.  This will save you time and embarrassment if you’re not.  Lose weight first, and then sign up.
     
     
11.  Above all, BE RESPECTFUL.  Follow directions, only ask questions if you really need to (there are such things as stupid questions), and just go with the flow.  This will also serve as good advice to get through many of your trainings ahead.  Relax.  You got this.

6 Tips for Surviving Thanksgiving

Photo credits: Frances Janisch

1.  Keep it simple.  I love homemade stuffing.  However, I am the only one in my family that does.  My husband and kids would actually prefer Stovetop Stuffing.  So after years of trying to convince them that they would like my homemade version, this year I’m going for the 10 minutes on the stovetop.  Why make it more difficult than necessary?  I’ll save the elaborate oyster stuffing for a leisurely cooking Sunday afternoon, and eat it all myself.


2.  Drink wine (or another favorite beverage) as you cook.  Remember this is a day of celebrations!  Relax and enjoy as you cook.  On holidays the "after 12:00pm" rule doesn't apply.  (Just be sure to sip water in between glasses!)


3.  Remove expectations for perfection.  This is easier said than done.  I can tell you all day that it really doesn’t matter, that a perfect meal is not the reason we are gathering.  However, I am my own worst critic.  I still long for that satisfaction at the end of the day, after slaving all day over the oven, and pulling it all together in the end for a meal so beautiful it sparkles in your mouth.  This year, however, I am vowing to “let it go.”  The sparkles are not necessary for a good time.  Not this time.


4.  Enjoy each other.  Along with removing ‘perfection’ from the day, you must remember you are making memories.  Allow your daughter to help you make the dessert.  Even if your pie ends up looking like a dump cake, take a picture and laugh about it in the years to come.


5.  If someone offers to help, accept.  Let go of the control.  Make it a potluck Thanksgiving dinner this year!  People want to feel needed and usually love to contribute.  Except for clean-up.  Then they are just offering to be nice.  But it will be too late, and there are no ‘take-backs’ on offering to help with the dishes.


6.  Have one simple recipe that is easier than it looks to prepare.  Below is a favorite of mine.

 

This is a recipe I found for homemade cranberries in Redbook Magazine years ago.  Gone are the days of canned cranberries.  It’s so easy and so delicious.  The best part is that you can make Tequila Sunrises with the leftover ingredients!  It’s practically two recipes in one!

 

Orange-Cranberry Compote

This sweet dish infused with oranges and cranberries is the perfect complement to a traditional Thanksgiving dinner.

Total Time: 15 min (Prep 5 min/Cook: 10 min)

 

Ingredients

• 2 bag cranberries (6 cups)
• 1 tbsp. grated orange zest
• 1 c. fresh orange juice
• 1¼ c. granulated sugar
• ¼ c. grenadine syrup
• 2 tbsp. red-wine vinegar

Directions

1. In a large saucepan, combine all ingredients and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low; simmer 6 minutes, until cranberries are soft and liquid has reduced to a thick syrup.
2. Pour into a serving bowl. Let cool to room temperature. Cover and refrigerate.

 

And just in case you are interested…

Tequila Sunrise

1 shot glass tequila

2 shot glasses of orange juice

ice cubes

1/2 shot glass of grenadine syrup

1 slice orange, for garnish

1 maraschino cherry for garnish

Stir or shake together tequila and orange juice. Fill a chilled 12 ounce glass with ice cubes; pour in orange juice mixture. Slowly pour in the grenadine, and allow it to settle to the bottom of the glass (be patient). Garnish with a slice of orange, and a maraschino cherry.

 

In summary, let go of control and perfection.  Make memories, and sip wine (or tequila sunrises!).  Now go and put your 30 lb turkey in the fridge so it can begin to defrost!

 

How to Prepare for Boot Camp

Photo @MilitaryMusclesUS 

Some of the most common questions I am routinely asked are, 'Would you recommend going into the military?', or 'Would you do it all over again?'  'Do sailors really drink that much?' And finally, 'How do I prepare for boot camp?' 

My answers are yes, yes and yes... and let me think about that.  Understandably, everyone’s experience is guaranteed to be different and every branch of the military is different.  However, I have compiled a list of tasks below that I believe would benefit anyone considering entering a branch of the service.  I can only wish I would have had this valuable information before I left for Navy Basic Training.  Perhaps it may have made the transition a little easier.

1.      Begin by making your bed (with hospital corners) and cleaning your room everyday to the point in which you would be willing to lick your floor.  Then lick the floor - to make sure you’re not fooling yourself.  When you are finished cleaning, have a good friend run in and destroy it in a very dramatic fashion.  Encourage them to throw your stuff everywhere and scream that it is not clean enough.  Flip the mattress over.  Pull the clothes from the drawers and sprinkle them across the floor - just to drive the point home.  Clean your room again. 

 

2.      On a regular basis, have someone yell two inches from your face with steamy breath.  Do not make eye contact, crack a smile, nor move to wipe any droplets of saliva from your face that may shoot from their mouth at this proximity.

 

3.      Go on a strict diet of overly processed and canned foods at every meal.  As you sit down to eat, set your watch for two minutes.  Shovel as much food into your face as you can for those two minutes straight.  When the time is up, dump the rest in the garbage.  Do not eat again until the next mealtime.

 

4.      March everywhere you go in big flat-soled boots - no matter what the weather.  Run a few miles every day in your boots.  Take this opportunity to really toughen up your arches and make them stand up on their own.

 

5.      Get in the push-up position, but do not lower your body into a push-up.  Encourage your dog to do the push-up with you.  Remain holding there until your dog actually does a push-up with you.  When he does, tell him it’s not good enough and you both must start over.

 

6.      Stop watching all TV, getting on the internet or any social media sites.  Cancel your magazine subscriptions.  Get comfortable with the idea of being isolated, completely cut off from pop culture and giving a care to what the Kardashian’s are doing.

 

7.      Wear the same outfit for nine weeks.  Wash in-between wears, of course.  You are not a damn caveman.

 

8.      Set the timer for two minutes for each shower.  Buy a shampoo/conditioner mix to use as your hair shampoo, conditioner, body soap, and face soap.  Squirt it into hands and lather entire body.  Rinse, and get out.

 

9.      Sleep on top of your covers, thinking of blankets as more of accessories than necessities.  This will save time in the mornings getting ready.  It is also encouraged to sleep fully dressed.

 

10.  Eat so much chocolate and smoke so many cigarettes that you throw up and never want to look at another one again - because you won’t.

 

11.  Buy a box of safety pins.  Sprinkle them all over a sandbox.  Retrieve every single one of them.  Repeat.  Get over your fear of work - especially tedious, monotonous, and boring work.

 

12.   Start journaling, praying, or learning to be okay alone - because you may be quite lonely at times and it helps to be comfortable in your own company. 

 

13.  Finally, look at a calendar.  See how small nine weeks really is in relation to the whole year.  Now think of how small nine weeks is in relation to your entire life thus far, and how microscopic it will be in your future.  Nine weeks is miniscule in the whole big picture of our life.  The days are long, but the weeks fly by. 

 

Remember that you got this and it will be worth it all in the end.  I promise.

 

 

How to Prepare for a Hurricane

Credits: NASA TV

Right about now- we are anticipating the arrival of an unwanted guest:  Hurricane Sandy.  The one and only great thing about a hurricane is that you have time to prepare.  Here is what our last week has looked like:

One week out:  

~Someone at work mentions that it's going to be a little bit windy next week.

6 days out:  

~I see my first report on the news about a hurricane building in the Atlantic.  Hmmm.  Interesting.  But this is nothing new.

5 days out:  

~Hurricane strikes the Caribbean causing catastrophic damages.  

The realization a hurricane may quite possibly be imminent begins a buzz in the air.

4 days out:  

~Look up the National Disaster Preparedness list online and realize that I have absolutely nothing on this list except for band-aids. 

~Go online to Amazon and order every item from Amazon with two day delivery.

~Order extra band-aids.

3 days out:  

~Life continues as normal.  

~Attend planned events with the family.

~Everyone out and about begins warning each other to be safe.

~Go grocery shopping on the way home and buy plenty of milk, toilet paper, water, and bread.

2 days out:  

~Begin to fill up every gas can we can find as well as each of the vehicle's gas tanks.  

~Dust off the generator and ensure it starts.

~Bring in the deck furniture.

~Nonperishable foods and hand-crank radio arrives from Amazon.

1 day out: 

~Head back to the store and buy more milk.  And toilet paper.  And wine.  

~Cruise around town, studying everything- taking it in- just incase it is not the same next time I see it.

~Eat Mexican.  Unsure when I'll get the chance to eat Mexican again.

~Go home and do all laundry.

~Do all dishes.

Day of:

~Linger in a hot shower.  Anticipate losing power at any minute.

~Make sure cats are inside.  At least the ones I like.

~Run the dishwasher, do laundry, and vacuum while continuing to anticipate the electricity shutting off at any time.  This may be the last time  will have electricity for at least a week (as was true with the last hurricane that passed through).

~Start eating everything in the refrigerator so it does not go bad- when the electric goes out.

~Move all albums and irreplaceable items to the middle of house and away from windows.

~Keep checking Facebook via phone to compare notes with friends as to what's happening where they are.  Try to post the most impressive picture.

~Keep checking the weather channel.  Every. Five. Minutes.

~Let the kids watch as much TV as they would like in the basement- assuming we won't have cable for the next week.

~Hold breath every time the wind picks up or I hear a loud noise.

~Pace.

~Check the weather channel again.

~Check the cars.

~Wash the dishes.

~Vacuum.

~Have a glass of wine to calm my nerves.

~Pray

And that is where we are now.  Still haven't lost electricity- however the TV keeps promising the worst is yet to come.  The anticipation, of course, is worse than anything.  But I just have to have faith at this point and trust that come what may- I don't think we could have prepared much more.

Hold on East Coast- let us brace for impact!