Lies I Consistently Tell

Lately, it seems that I find myself constantly stressing the importance of telling the truth to my children.  One broken-record day, I had a realization of just how much I really do lie in any given day.  I have to believe that I'm not the only one.  All with great purpose, of course.  That makes it better- I’m sure.  So here are a few: 

1.   I’m good.  How are you? 

Ah, the classic one.  Unless you are my mom, I know you don’t want to hear about me locking my keys in the car, the PTA lady that hurt my feelings, my over-compulsive shopping habit, and the big pimple on my chin.  If asked “How are you?”  I’ve learned to always just reply, “Good!”

2.   We don’t have any.

Dessert, money, whatever.  This usually ends the begging, pleading, whining from my kids.

3.   I don’t know. 

It’s not true.  I almost always know what I want. [Is that an oxymoron?] I just know you don’t want it- so I’m being kind and letting you decide.

4.   I have nothing to wear. 

I have plenty to wear.  I just feel extra-large today and have nothing to wear that doesn’t make me feel like a beached whale in florescent spandex.

5.   More dessert? Alcohol?  Oh, no thanks.  I’m good. 

I ALWAYS want more dessert or alcohol.  Or money.  But sometimes I just may try to be polite and refrain.   I said sometimes.

6.   I have no regrets.  

I only say this because Wayne Dyer and Oprah say I’m supposed to.  Everything I’ve done makes me who I am today.  Well that is very true.  But surely there was an easier way to have figured it out??

7.   I’m not sick.

Sickness is weakness.  I could be sweating buckets of saltwater, have a fever of 103, and vomiting all over the room and I will refuse to admit that I am sick. Darn it.

8.   I wasn’t sleeping.

If I’m ever caught napping I’ll refuse to admit it.  It’s a guilt-thing my dad instilled in me.  I’ll probably need years of therapy to get rid of it- but just haven’t had the time.

9.   I didn’t have time. 

Of course my schedule is more packed than a box of Christmas lights, I mean, isn’t everyones? However, if it’s something I truly wanted to do- I’d somehow find the time.

10. I’ll think about it. 

Chances are I’ll probably forget about it until the next time it is brought up.  This buys me time to avoid answering.  The truth is, I’ll probably think about coming up with a better excuse answer.

11. Oh it was no trouble at all. 

Often it is trouble- but who would admit it and make someone feel bad? (See they’re not all bad lies!)

12. Oh they were so well behaved.

They were terrible.

13. It’s not a big deal. 

It’s always a big deal.

14. It’s fine. 

Fine is a 4 letter word.  It doesn’t mean good.  If it was good- I’d say good.

15. I didn’t know!

It is far better to ask for forgiveness than permission.  “Oh, I didn’t know you aren’t allowed to put penguins in your purse to sneak them into the theater.  No one ever told me!”

16. If anyone ever asks “Do I look fat?”
       Always lie.  Politely make modification suggestions.  “Of course not!  But perhaps you want to wear this trench coat all day.  I heard it’s going to be chilly!” (another feel-good lie that shouldn’t count)

Those are just the ones I came up with in a matter of minutes.  It makes me nervous as to what I would come up with if I gave it a week’s worth of research. 

So… What are some of your consistent lies?