Small town girl. Joins Navy. Sees the world. Flies in planes. Hunts submarines. Gets out of military and has 3 kids. Rejoins Air National Guard as an "old lady" of 38.

A humorous compilation of stories and lessons learned. Usually the hard way.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

This one night, I had a cop for dinner.

One night, not too long ago, we had a barbecue and invited some friends over.  My sister (the crazy one) invited one of her new friends from her place of work and their family over.  They had a little doll of a baby with completely pinch-able cheeks.  The husband/dad was a local county cop.

He arrived shortly after everyone else, as he had to wait for his shift to be over to join us.  I have to say it was pretty cool having a cop car parked in front of our house and we weren’t in trouble.  I thought- Ha!  The neighbors won’t be messing with us now!  Not that they ever did before.  In fact, they are quite nice.  Still- it felt a little powerful to have a friend in ‘high places’.
But soon, as the night went on, I realized how much this limited my conversations. I mean, I had never thought of myself as a law-breaking citizen, in fact, I’m quite the rule follower.  I don’t litter.  I don’t cheat. I don’t steal.  I’ve never done drugs and I always use my blinker.  However, that night I surprised myself with all of the stories I began to tell and had to cut myself short. 

“This one time when I was riding on top of a-  ”

“The other day when I was driving and listening to my iPod to block out the kids-"

“...Remember- I texted you while I was getting gas the other day to see if you needed anything-"

"...And all the empty beer bottles were rolling around under my seat-"  (that was the crazy sister)

“We had to cut down this tree in the forest because it was in our way-"

“I almost got hit running across 4 lanes of traffic to get to the drug store.  Nah, the crosswalk was too far away-"

“The other night I ripped that irritating tag off of my mattress-"

I hadn’t realized that I was involved with so many ‘little crimes’ on a daily basis and I didn’t realize how many of my good stories were centered around these crimes!  Are there such thing as 'little crimes' or is a crime a crime?  The Bible says a sin is a sin.  Still, I have trouble believing murder is in the same category as ripping off your mattress tag- even though it says RIGHT ON THERE that it is against the law.
Soon I decided it was probably best for me to just sit and drink my wine and keep my mouth shut before I ended up serving hard time.  I don’t think I’d survive very long in prison.  I hate confrontations.

After awhile my thoughts were interrupted by the guys showing the kids how to shoot a BB gun at a can in the back yard.  I quickly turned to the cop and apologized. “I’m sorry- I’m not sure if this is illegal or not- in this residential area.  Please, if I have to go to jail, can I-"

He quickly interrupted me, “Relax, please!  It’s all good.  I mean, it’d be a little different if they were shooting an AK-47 or something.  Have another glass of wine!”
It’s like he knew me or something.

And so, I did.  I mean, technically I was directed to by a cop.  And I finally was able let my guard down and enjoy the rest of the barbecue as I watched the fireflies and listened to the sounds of frogs chirping.  In between the gun shots.  What a beautiful way to spend an evening- with my closest friends, family, and an off-duty cop.


  1. This made me laugh!! I feel the same way when I have conversations with our priest! lol

    1. Ha! Yes, conversations with a priest! That could be a great story too! :)

  2. I love the title of your blog post! Very clever. Cute story, too. If I had a cop for a friend, I'd be heavily censored, too. ;-)

    (Here via WOE!)

    1. Haha thank you! Yes, most people I know would have to be censored. Hmmmm... Maybe I should make some new friends?? Nah!

  3. People censor when they find out that I'm a rabbi. Or they start telling me how much they love shrimp scampi. Hey -- I'm not the kosher police!! And we are chatting in the locker room at the gym, I am "off-duty." I find it awkward to talk shop while in the buff.

    1. Oh the kosher police- that could be a great story I'm sure! I'm not a huge fan of carrying on conversations naked in public either. Call me crazy. Or republican- whatever. ;)